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For more information and resources about eating disorders including ARFID, please visit https://www.allianceforeatingdisorders.com/
Watch our full video on what it's like to live with an eating disorder: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v1TWvXwgKr0
The therapist is hot
I don't have patience..i want it gone today..
im working on my weight..im single.im happy.but not motivated.
it felt good and comforting.but it was bad
emotional trauma by hearing him call.names
it's my fault I listened and ate everything.i didn't care.and gained much weight.
I gained weight by my hubby being mean
I can remember exactly why and when i starting binge eating, after years tho. Didnt realize it at first. When it hit me when i started doing it, initally it made me really sad because then i realized the why. But it did help me take control over it and find other ways to soothe that are more healthy and actually help process.
My ex of 3 years dumped me few days ago and I haven't ate no food nor want any, my heart hurts. I thought he was the one , he was the only person I truly loved! He is 53 and developed mid life crisis dumping me and I'm only 33 plus moved to Florida and bought a corvette and EXPENSIVE vehicles….and told me he's with another woman after PROMISING me he wouldn't be like the other men I dated! #kiassderrath #dylanrich
it’s been 2 years of me not being to eat without being on the verge of a panic attack idk wut to do anymore and it makes no sense bc i want to eat and it’s making me wanna offfffff myself oky gtg
Nah it’s all about something we “think” we can control yet it ends up owning us
It’s hideous it’s not glamorous. I automatically vomit a few times a day ( quick fast like regurgitate no smell into zip lock lock bag max 10 min after eating) IT HAPPENS AUTOMATICALLY sometimes I can’t stop it it’s extremely unsexy uncool & not fun. Now I’m 48 often I get only 20 seconds warning after I slowly eat & only eat small amounts & up it comes & weak bladder control wee comes out too.
ABSOLUTELY HIDEOUS
STILL I was morbidly obese many years ago now I’m average weight I wouldn’t swap that for not vomiting & if I wasn’t for Alcohol ( I often drink 6 drinks day) I would imagine I’d be under weight.
This is the first time I’ve ever written this out & admitted it to even myself.
I got diagnosed by my gp yesterday for selective eating disorders. And the first thing i said but I don’t look like I have a eating disorder but as he spoke more and the more I researched the more I realised how my trauma is affecting me still even when I thought it wasn’t anymore.
I get stressed out having to eat. The stress of figuring out how to eat and what to eat, I will choose not to eat, until it becomes unbearable.
Food was a punishment with my mom, she never listened to me when I’d tell her what I didn’t like and would force me to eat foods I hated until the point I would throw up. Or she would make me stay at the table until I ate my food, I would be at the table by myself all night until my dad would come home and eat my food or tell me to go to bed. Sometimes I would hide my food around the shed (when we moved we had roaches & mice, wasn’t until recently Did I realized it was because of all the garbage I hid in the shed 😅) With my dad food was a reward, he got me whatever I wanted food wise. Happy meals, big kids meals, trips to ihop, taking me out of school to get snacks and go to the park to feed the ducks. Bring home fast food whenever he was making good money. Leaving church and going to the store. Giving me money so I could go to the store for snacks before school and after. I have a really weird relationship with food now. I either go days without eating or binge. It’s been feast or fast. I struggled with bulimia in my late teens, early 20s. No one even knew, used to get compliments on my weight
and everything. I stopped when my throat started hurting constantly and I couldn’t keep food down even when I wanted to. I’ve been having a hard time with binging lately since I don’t even have to leave my house for food and get it brought to me. So I barely eat or just order enough for one meal at a time. But I’m always putting in massive orders then cancelling them out of shame. But I would like to just heal from what’s causing the ED rather than just copping.
I don't want to know how I developed it I want to know how to truly heal from this for it is ruining my life
Numb, get out of a feeling, create a different feeling, aleviate suffering. the hard thing is,: it works! It DOES numb and aleviate suffering. And eating has to be done daily, it is not like some type of drug you can stay away from and never have to be around ever again.
I'm sitting in an ER hospital bed waiting for admission to a mental health clinic.
I spent the last 20 years of my life confused and in pain, not understanding why eating hurt and not understanding why I hated myself.
I watched my world, my life, my family and my love fall apart around me, but because I was just so young when it started, it never really felt like an issue.
And I… I just woke up. Got to the ER with Opioid-like withdrawal symptoms because of abusing the medical system to avoid taking medications for my growing psychosis.
I went inpatient for two weeks at a high BMI for EDNOS, and got immediately discharged for a lack of change in weight and vitals. As if I could just eat and be healthy. I liked pretending like that. It didn't hurt when I pretended like that.
Eventually, I just… broke. I was exhausted, starving. I didn't know why I couldn't eat. I was so hungry, and I just wanted to be alone. My boyfriend didn't understand. How could he?
No one had even known I'd been drugged against my will. I was locked in my body. Forever awake.
I just hope my family can forgive me.
Idk if this counts as an eating disorder but around age 7, I was afraid to swallow food. I restricted certain foods and if I ate food it had to turn to practically water in my mouth before I could swallow, or I would spit it out, for reasons I cannot remember. I suppose it was the only way I could gain control of my own life when I being abused, feelings of powerless, depression and hyper vigilance and isolation was overwhelming. When my parents saw me loose excess weight they took me to the doctor because I refused to swallow food. My doctor recommended a physiologist and my covert narc father said he was crazy and never took me to see a mental health professional. He would just yell at me and threaten me to eat my food. When I was at a poor state I was treated like an alien for my obvious symptoms of malnutrition. To this day I don’t remember how I got out of that state of mind. My narc father and codependent mother say it was because they gave me iodine and minerals in my water that their naturopath doctor (also a narcissist who disregards therapy) recommended. I just remember giving up when I realized my solution to a larger emotional problem didn’t work. It’s disgusting how neglectful a narcissistic is when they don’t want to take accountability; especially for their children
So true. I’m always thinking about food. From the second I get up to when I go sleep. I am anxious all day and night about it. I’m depressed when I eat and when I don’t eat. Eating in front of the tv is pretty much the only time of day where I’m happy. I have my job and the city I live in and I know that it would help tremendously if I left both. Maybe it’s time I do that.
I can't stop looking at this ladies thumb/s. Very strange.
I have ARFID. My mom said I didn't transition well to solid food when I was a kid, and I've had a preference for liquids my entire life. For me, eating (as well as obtaining food, cooking, dishes, etc) take a lot of energy (I also have fibromyalgia), I have sensory issues, and I don't have a strong appetite. 10 years ago I was severely underweight, and I was eating all high calorie foods like peanut butter m&ms and whole chocolate milk to get as many calories as I could. I've gotten a lot better; I reached and have maintained a healthy weight for the past 6 years by taking a med to increase my appetite, using disposable cutlery to minimize energy required for dishes, eating on a schedule, and always keeping some easy to consume food within arm's reach. I also got away from my toxic family. I had tried for a few years to force myself to eat, but that often resulted in gagging so I eventually realized that that wasn't a helpful tactic for me. 90% of my diet is still meal replacement drinks, but I'm doing pretty well and I'm slowly introducing more solid food into my diet.
Please fire whoever decided to add in Those keystrokes sound effects
My eating disorder started when i was told i couldn't have another brownie. I got up in the middle of the night and ate it.
Very difficult for anyone to understand the friendship you have with your dissorder, it is your friend and saying goodbye to it, it's like a death, luckily it isn't yours because you choose to walk away but it is hard. 9 years of anorexia, but managed to make it out.
Would you say Arfid is like FA?
To be honest I’m in a really difficult time in college and I’m constantly being told what to do and I feel like the only thing I can control and do by myself is manage my food intake
Brilliant coverage. I hope vice can do more journalism on mental health issues on the DSM 5 to be able to bring acceptance of people with disorders into society
I feel what she is saying applies to trichotillomania as well
I found a healthy way to deal with eating disorders, drink a lot of water. That way people don't notice your weight loss and you don't feel hungry. After the water start eating small meals till you get back to normal eating. Fasting is also important in the Christian faith, so set apart time to fast before Jesus Christ.
That ain't completely true. Yes, restriction helps me feel in control; but I also want my body to look a certain way
When I was 15 in 2002 my mom sent me to a therapist. I had lost 40lbs in 2months. I didn't know the "therapist" was actually my mothers friend from church. She asked me why I thought I was there on my 1st visit and I said my mother thinks I'm anorexic. She laughed at me and said, "Well you're not thin enough to be anorexic." I never forgot it and after about 5 months I figured out she wasn't a real therapist bc all my conversations were used against me by my mom and I finally heard her talking to the lady on the phone. The next session my mother went in with me and began telling the "therapist" that I was a disrespectful child with defiant opposition disorder bc I won't brush my hair the way she taught me. I told them that I was finished with therapy and they are absolutely nuts if they think me choosing to do something in a different way was disobedient and disrespectful and you may make me come sure but I won't say another word bc I know you're telling my mother what we talk about and it's wrong. She never took me to another "session" again and when I bring it up she acts like it never happened and says it's not in my medical records so I'm obviously lying. Can you see why I lost so much weight so quickly?
Therapy is extremely inaccessible – who can afford $250 per session? My insurance covers $400 per year. Ridiculous!!!
I'm trying to work on myself, but sometimes it gets extremely difficult.
she said nothing new lol
I’m so off and on. One moment I’ll just starve myself and then I’ll snap myself out of it and think to myself “What the hell am I’m doing? What’s wrong with me?” Some days I eat well and then others I feel like I’m fat and don’t want to eat. I don’t know why I’m like this…
4:00 I think that an important point that isn't raised here is that dieting/restrictive eating is a huge risk factor in developing an eating disorder which links in with the narrow vision of what body types are pushed as "ideal"
I think I might have binge eating disorder but I haven't been officially diagnosed.
I remember i used to feel how lucky girls were who had Anorexia. Until i went through a terrible breakup that left me traumatized and i had started losing a ton of weight and i just couldn't accept the reason of why it was happening . It was so bad i used to puke every single day only after eating a little. Food had no taste and i had absolutely zero appetite. Those couple of months were no joke.